More about life...

After TNT last night I came back to my room and as I said in the previous blog, I found out one of my friends from High School died. I just sat there, well I started wonder where my roomie was cuz she wasn't back from work yet and it was 12:30... I didn't really think much of it cuz I was trying to figure stuff out. She finally got back and I decided to take a walk to get my mind off of stuff. She seemed upset but so was I so I just let it go. Turn out she found out her younger sister tried to commit suicide last night and was taken to the hospital. I couldn't believe all of this was going on. Then I went in to Anatomy today and I found out Matt, who was in a severe car accident a few weeks ago, was taken back to the hospital because he had an infection. I keep wondering why God is testing me with all these things, and I know he has a reason I just don't know how to deal with all of this right now... So as you go about your day please pray for Nia and Matt's recovery and for Murph's family...

Life and Death...

Yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life, it gave me a whole new perspective. To start out my 11 o’clock class was canceled which made me happy cuz I love sleeping in… German is my favorite class, even though my professor is crazy, I guess that’s what makes it so much fun! Then I played for about 3 hours then went to dinner. After that, we went to the Tuesday Night Thing, which was absolutely amazing. I felt like a completely new person after I left, I thought about where I was at the beginning of the semester compared to now and I was so glad I moved in the right direction.

I went back to my dorm room, talked to some friends and then started seeing a bunch of posts that said “RIP Murph”, at that moment I started breaking down. I couldn’t believe I lost 6 close friends, that we around the same age as me, in the past 2 years, it seemed so unreal. Then I thought about the other people that passed away and there was another 10, one of which was only 50. I sat in my bed for a while not knowing how to process everything, so I just cried and prayed. I decided to go on a walk and 2 of my friends joined me. I was thinking that entire time about the different memories I had with all of the friends I lost, and tried processing the whole situation and understanding death... which honestly I don't know if I have figured it out yet.

In the last 10 minutes of our walk, I thought about what Pastor Andy asked us during TNT. He asked, “How many people wanted to go to Heaven?” As you probably would guess pretty much everyone raised their hand. His second question was “How many people would like to go to Heaven today?” The number was significantly less. I was in the group that did not raise their hand when he posed the second question, I know heaven is probably a whole lot nicer than Edinboro, PA but I would never want to leave my friends. I then went back to my room and someone wrote on his Facebook saying “I’m sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here. and if we all believe in heaven, maybe we'll make it through one more year down here.” I was blown away when I read this because it was exacting what we were talking about and what I was pondering part of the night. I couldn’t believe what I just heard 5 hours before would be something I would need so quickly.

I still don’t think I would want to swap my life on earth for Heaven, because I love my friends so much. At the same time, God has his reasons and I need to constantly remind myself that I have no control over the stuff he does, so whether I like it or not I’m gonna have to accept it... I continue praying that God helps Murph's family as they struggle with his loss and for everyone who knew him,so we can all praise his life for what he has done for us...

Sry if that didn't make sense... I just kinda write what I am thinking at the moment and I'll go back in about a week to remember what I was thinking and how I over came the tasks or the problems I was having...

Freshman Year

Being in college has been great so far, I met a lot of awesome people that have changed my life forever. It has also been very challenging. This past week has been one of the hardest tests for me personally. I have had to deal with trust, illness, death and many other issues that test your abilities greatly. I am extremely grateful to have amazing friends that I can go to whenever I need to talk and I have no idea where I would be without them.

It all started on Wednesday when we had to pick classes... Let's just say after writing your schedule 8 different times and having classes fill up suddenly, you start to get pretty annoyed... So that was the start of my day... Well I call my parents to see whats up, and to tell them how angry that my classes kept filling up, plus I had to make a decision about taking summer courses, since Anatomy is pretty much kicking my butt right now... Well my dad tells me he wants me to move back to Pittsburgh and take classes at community college, because it would be easier and cheaper... I pretty much flipped out, because I don't want it to be easier... Would you want a nurse that just took easy classes to pass or someone that is dedicated and worked hard to get their job... I would pick someone that worked hard, especially since lives are on the line...

One of my close friends was in a car accident, they are not sure if he will make it or not so that has been extremely stressful and I continually think about it. I have also been helping my friend deal with the loss of her grandpa, which I know is extremely difficult. I lost my grandma when I was 15, I would spend hours with her, helping take care of her and doing things she couldn't, which made me feel great until she passed away. That was a huge turning point in my life, I went through a phase where I didn't trust God, I didn't think he cared about be because he never would have let that happen. I went to camp a few months later, and was moved by the music and everything I heard. Then my best friend, who lives in Louisiana, has taken the wrong path in her life. She is doing stuff, I never thought she would, she is a completely different person and I just keep praying that she will realize life isn't all about sex and doing crazy things. It's really frustrating because no matter what I do, it seems like nothing is helping her... One of my friends has been really sick lately and another broke a few bones while on a trip during spring break, and i just pray God heals them...

This all leads me to my next point, I'm a nursing major... I don't know if I will be able to handle trauma and death... I care about people way to much to see them in pain or dying... but at the same time I want to help them get better. So I'm debating on whether I should keep my major or change, but I know God will lead me in the right direction...

A major highlight of my week was when my roomie and I convinced our friend to go to church with us. To make a long story short, when she was younger she decided she didn't want to have God in her life because her parents forced her to go to church and to do things she didn't want to do... so she quit completely... So this past she went and loved it and now plans on going regularly and getting baptized... :D

I'm sry if this doesn't make sense.. I don't reread, I just start writing... so yea I'll finish my thoughts some other day...

Life (Something I wrote after graduation and re-edited while in college)

It seems like just yesterday I embarked on a new journey in a brand new school. I never thought that I would be a senior; it always seemed so far away. Although the road was sometimes rocky, it all turned out okay in the end. This time has been a huge transition for me, with each year came more responsibilities and stress. For the most part I have handled it well, and others I haven't. I still can't really believe that I graduated from Bethel Park Senior High School less than a year ago and moved away. Bethel Park is the place that I have grown to know and love my entire life. All of my friends have become like family, spending countless hours together, and to think this could be the end of many of those bonds.

I went back to visit Bethel Park, for the first time since I started college, to catch up with my favorite teachers and friends. I was amazed to see all of my friends and how much everyone changed. I really wish I could go back in time and spend time with all of my high school friends, but at the same time I have no idea where I would be if it weren't for my friends at college that have truely helped me and saved me. I am so greatful for all of those in my life and for every moment we spend together.

I also want to say, that if I had hurt any of you or made you believe that I didn't care about you, I'm sorry. I love each one of you guys and I deeply care about you as a person and I'll be rooting for in whatever you will pursue in life. I left our school with my head held up high and remembering all the great memories I have been honored with over the past four years.

Love always,

Virginia Kathryn Kreisel.